SOCIETY OF YOTI LOVERS (S.O.Y.L.)

By L. A. Burns

Supplied by Carole Hall

The Society was formed to: (a) Study the species (b) Protect the Yoti from its natural enemies.

General

The species Homo Phaselus Detestabilis (Abominable Yachtsman or Yoti) was, until recent years, a rare and exotic creature.  During the past two decades, however, it has proliferated at an alarming rate and is now a common phenomena in coastal regions.

Plumage

Generally dull brown or blue, but in wet weather tends to turn yellow. There is little difference between the sexes, but some males carry an abundance of hair on their faces (Phaselus Detestabilis Barbus or Hairy Faced Yoti).  All females of the species can be readily detected from a rear view.

Habitat

Small, cramped and oddly shaped nests, often approached by ladder.  A sub-species, (Phaselus Detestabilis Parhamensis) spends 20 hours out of 24 burrowing deeply in mud.  The nests are built in creeks, inlets and so-called "Marinas" in coastal   regions.

Cries

Generally short and Anglo-Saxon.  Typically "Leeoh", "Quick" and "Bludifule".  The latter cry is commonly used by male Yotis to their mates and is thought to be a term of endearment.

Mating Habits

Somewhat of a mystery at the moment, but under active investigation.  Ancient writers claimed that the Yoti sprang from a union between Neptune and a female Hermit crab.  Professor Yardarm thinks that the Yoti reproduces by spontaneous cell division.  He points out the difficulty of mating in a nest that is not only cramped but bobbing up and down.

Professor Bilge disagrees.  He claims that the Yoti is viviparous and supports this with experimental data produced with the aid of his assistant Dr. Ludy Sheet.  This would seem to indicate that it is possible, if not enjoyable.

Social Habits

Although a rugged individual in its nest, when ashore the Yoti likes to gather in a meeting place called a "Bar".  There it sits on high perches and barks at other Yotis.  When a Yoti has been barking for sometime it is noticed that other Yotis tend to become glassy-eyed and fall off their perches.'

Predators

Only one has been identified.  This is the Marina Dominus Vulgaris (or Common Marina Owner).  This fearsome creature has a similar effect on the Yoti that a snake has on a rabbit.  It first mesmerises its victim then skilfully sucks its blood.  The Yoti outnumbers the Marina Owner and if acting in concert could tame its persecutor.  But, alas, there is no evidence of this happening and Yotis continue to go to their doom like mesmerised rabbits.

Precautions

Unless there is an "R" in the month Yoti's should be approached with great caution.